Lothar Matthäus and wife Kristina Liliana
For those of you who don't follow Argentine soccer gossip with the weird obsessiveness I do, a quick rundown on local club Racing's recent travails.
- Racing sucks this year.
- In fact, it sucks so bad it hasn't won a game this season (and we're 11 games in)
- Indeed, Racing sucks so much that the team--one of the "5 Bigs" who are the heart of Argentine fútbol--may be relegated to the second league next year. (This would please fans of Independiente, Racing's archrival, and opponents of ex-President Néstor Kirchner, a huge Racing fan, to no end.)
- In a Hail Mary of sorts, the team tries to hire German Soccer legend Lothar Matthäus to take over as coach (even though he speaks no Spanish: The idea is that he'll speak Italian to an assistant coach, who'll then translate his instructions into Spanish. This is a good idea?).
- Racing president Rodolfo Molina announces that the deal is done. Signed even.
- Matthäus says, well, it's not really signed.
- You see, Matthäus says, I need to clear the job with my wife (#4), 22-year-old Ukranian model Kristina Liliana, who is worried about continuing her modeling career in Argentina. This is understandable as, well, he's already been divorced three times.
- Matthäus announces that the couple will visit Buenos Aires to make sure it is all todo bien.
- Perhaps intimidated by how much Racing sucks--or daunted by Nicole Neumann's work on Showmatch--Matthäus and Liliana wonder if modeling (or coaching) in Argentina is a good idea.
- Matthäus asks that he be housed in the luxe Hotel Faena as coach.
- The club says , "Er, not so much."
- Matthäus decides that he will neither visit Argentina nor take the Racing job.
- Matthäus figures that this decision is of such minor importance that it's okay to inform Racing management by SMS text message.
- Racing's Molina goes ballistic.
- Racing continues to suck.
4 comments:
Loved this post. Spot on!!
This whole story is hilarious. Lothar Mattheus was already a footballing legend in my book (perhaps even up there with the likes of Franz Beckenbauaer, and well, Diego "Que Sigan Chupando" Maradona), so perhaps he did deserve to be put up in the Faena.
Slightly disappointed by his ugly wife though. Is that what they call a model these days? I'm sure he's already looking for number 5...
Ian, I propose you start a new feature, "Ian Mount Explains In 12 Steps". (I know, this one had 15, but 12 is better.)
And then go ahead and explain anything in the world, from ObamaCare to uh, further celeb football hijinks.
Racing is better of without Mattheus. You would have a passerby running your team whom will walk out at the slightest sneer he will get. After all.... wife #4, after 1,2,3.. must tell you something about the commitment phobe "Lothario" is.
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